Remembering 9.11

I was sitting in pre-Algebra Ms. Q’s class, when I heard what happened. The door was open as she was teaching on the overhead. Halls were quiet. The people bean to walk by fast and frantic. That’s when I found out that America was under attack. Before then nothing of that nature had really ever happened so close to home, none that I can remember at least. The things learned in the history books were things that I had only heard about and learned through the books. But on that day, September 11, 2001 it changed history. I remember not really knowing how to feel. At that point in time in my life I was flying to NYC every 3 months to visit my ailing great grandmother. At that point in time I was suppose to get on a flight on October 11 to visit my family in NYC. I remember trying to call my mom, making sure everyone was okay. I remember that school took a backseat that day. We began to watch the news and couldn’t believe what I was seeing on the television. People were jumping out buildings, thick smoking was rising and then the building just dropped. Although at that time I was saddened by what was happening. One thing is certain, I had no idea the amount of an impact that this would have on my future. I was raised in a time were war was prominent. From the time I was 13 our country has been at war.

10 years later- we are still fighting a war. And hate still exist even within our own country. I am BEYOND thankful for our service men and women who risk their lives.; Men and Women whose bravery is beyond measureable. Words cannot describe how these strangers have impacted my life. NEVER FORGOTTEN.

My mom use to work at the World Trade Center years prior. It amazes me how one change of job, one change of location, one decision- completely changes your life.  The best way to remember the lives of the lost is by realizing the importance of each choice and decision that we make in ours. Lets be a country whose people are united. Spread Love not Hate.  

To the service men past and present and the victims and their families of 9.11... You will never be forgotten. 

Quite Enough...

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart,

and be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

     Am I the only one that feels this way? Nothing captures my feelings like these lyrics. It was seriously like Bethany Dillon wrote these lyrics and directed it to me! I feel like as girls we tend to be a bit emotional, I mean just a little bit, right? Ha! Yes, we may overreact at times but there is nothing wrong with emotion, even a strong one at that. On the outside it may appear like a weakness but what I have learned in the past year is that my sensitivity, really just makes me, me. It is my sensitivity that feels for those in need even though I don’t know their name. It’s my sensitivity that yearns to help those less fortunate then myself. It is my sensitivity that truly desires to help all those who suffer. That is me. It makes me, me.

     One would think that being so highly emotional and involved would be my weakness and lead to the ultimate break down. And for a while, they were right; it did. It destroyed me. And the one thing that God made special and unique about me, it became my weakness because I relied on my own strength. I wish I had endless space to give you a personal account in detail of His reminders and lessons. Strangers taught me lessons. Victims of violence, bullying, abuse; strangers who carry burdens far heavier than mine- they taught me lessons. Family and friends, in the smallest of fraction taught me lessons. And like that, the whisper became as loud as thunder. 

     I’ve learned that I am just highly sensitive, highly emotional and while I guess I can try to tone it down a bit. I was made to love and love hard. And I can try I guess and dim it but when I look into my future, at my age, I see a family of my own and a career devoted to helping those in desperate need. So to be honest I cant imagine dimming or toning down anytime soon. My emotions are connected to my light and to my desire to love unconditionally and to always, always want to spread love, support and peace no matter the circumstances.

     I always sing this song, at least once a day. It refocuses me, my heart wants and yearns to be beautiful, to be someone who amazes others and who feels worthy. Nothing captures the reminder better than the lyrics at the end because God makes me beautiful and when I allow him to come into my heart, He really does completely amaze me.

     And this is my greatest learned lesson to date. It seems so simple. It seems like I have known this for years. Truth be told, I have known this. But to say I understood it, accepted it and most importantly relied on it 100%, well that’s a different case.

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful.

Lets play Catch Up!

It has definitely been awhile since I last wrote a blog, I have been so busy and lazy!

But since my last update which was on my 23^rd birthday soo much has happened. We were going to be moving back home, but decided to stay in OKC for another year since Johnny signed to play college bball for his last year of eligibility. Mind you he graduated this May which is Bachelors, and will be getting his Masters paid for! Jealous? You should be, I am. J But I am very so proud of him, he works so hard its not even funny.

Oh! How could I forget I experienced my first tornado scare! Nothing could have prepared me for that! I remember when we first decided to move to OKC I was so worried about tornados and I remember you tubing them before we moved here haha and our first Saturday here in OKC, when the sirens went off at noon; they go off every Saturday at noon- just as a test run. But hearing them outside the test run uhh yeah I freaked! Not to mention I was stuck at traffic, on my way to work, then stuck at work. I probably would have been way calmer if I were with Johnny but he was stuck in the basement of his school. And hes my rock, he stays wayyy calmer than I- with everything. But thankfully both tornados circled around us and we were safe. My prayers and heart went out and continue to go out to those affected especially in Joplin, MO; the power these disasters have to change lives it really is unbearable.

I am looking into going back to school for my masters- key word looking.

Promise to stay more in touch! Until the next time.

Love, Michi 

23 Lessons I've Learned in 23 Years

1.) Things are not in black or white- there are several shades of gray. 

2.) God & Family are the most important things in life. 

3.) "Good, better, best- never let it rest. Until good becomes better and better becomes best"

4.) Time doesn't heal anything- its what you do with that time. 

5.) Google can answer anything. 

6.) Honesty is always the easier route- although it may not be the shorter. 

7.) You either control your attitude or it controls you. 

8.) Retail- therapy is effective. When in doubt- get both. 

9.) Be kinder than necessary- because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. 

10.) Always leave loved one with loving words. It may be the last time you see or talk to them. 

11.) Our background and circumstances may influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. 

12.) Any reason is a good reason to drink some wine. 

13.) Self-reflection is a must. 

14.)  People automatically devalue anything they get for free. 

15.) Be the change you wish to see in the world. 

16.) Holding on to hate, only drags you down. 

17.) Make sure you close the dishwasher tight before starting it. 

18.) Happiness is the way of travel 

19.) Traveling is fascinating.  

20.) Even if your on the right track, you will get ran over if you just sit there. 

21.) You probably shouldn't run on black ice. 

22.) Writing & reading provides some type of peace. 

23.) "People are unreasonable and illogical- Love them anyways"

1

Happy Birthday Mommy Linda!

This is for my best friend, my hero, my inspiration- my mom.

Today is your 50^th birthday. I am dedicating this blog post to you, but I do not even know where to start. It’s overwhelming to try and even find the words to describe how I feel when it comes to you. You would think that saying I love you more than anything in the entire world would be suffice. But even saying those words out loud, they do not even begin to paint and illustrate just how much I adore, love and appreciate you.

You are everything I want to be. You are strong. You are patient. You are kind. You are the hardest worker I know. You have such a positive outlook. No matter what life throws at you, you push right through with so much faith in God.

 You have taught me to use my head but stay tuned to my heart. You have taught me to have courage to change things that I have control of and ability to understand when it’s me that needs to change. You taught me that hard work is vital for success. You taught me that life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.

I love you because you taught me respect. You disciplined with love. You taught me to never give up, you believed in me. I love you because through any sorrow big or small, you were and continue to be my sunshine. You sacrifice so much for me, and I am so grateful. I know that I do not say it as much as I should, but I appreciate everything you do for me. I don’t know where I would be without you.

You always remind to focus on God first. You send me random bible verses and thoughts to think about, in order to remind me of how wonderful Our God is.

All your lessons and your words of encouragement follow me everywhere I am, no matter where I go. Your voice is always my guide. You taught me everything. You inspire me to be a better person, to love with all my heart and to be there for others. You inspire me to strive for the top, to keep pedaling and pursue my dreams, whatever they may be.

You don’t just teach me. You always lead by example

 You’re my hero. My role model. My best friend. My mommy linda.

You are everything to me. And I am so blessed to have you as my mom. I thank God everyday for you and feel so blessed to be your daughter. I celebrate and thank God for you, not just today but every day.

Always & Forever,

Your Babydoll

Manic Mondays!

SO there is a full house at the Children's Crisis Unit today, which means it will be busy! Hope everyone has a wonderful, blessed day!


Mark Twain said, "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up!"


Matthew: 5:46-47, "For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?"

What are your hobbies?

What are your hobbies?

What are your hobbies? … When I moved to OKC, I went in search for employment. Having over 3 years in the mental health field, it was the psychiatric and social service positions that I was seeking. In every interview they always asked me, What are you hobbies? I did not get why this question was relevant, not when seeing if I qualified for the job. And even months later, although I said I understood, I really did not. Today, was the day that I totally comprehended why that question may be the most important question asked during the entire interview.

I worked a 16 hr shift, something I have done a lot since I worked at the Children’s Crisis Unit. But today, was the first time that my unraveled mind fully grasped the importance of hobbies. See, God has constructed each of different, each of us with a purpose, each of us with qualities that will help us further His kingdom. And well my heart, I feel its works against me and works for me; my traits are my weakness and yet still my strengths. My traits are both what build me up and what completely shatters me. I have this passion for people, this desire to help people. It sounds weird but I love and care about complete strangers, my heart breaks for complete strangers. With everything in me, I wish I could just help people, change people, and improve their quality of life. Most would say this is a valuable, incredible, unique quality and passion. But that desire can bring me down too. Because when I realize at times that I can’t change and help people as much as I want to or when I see people struggle and I cant pull them out of that dysfunctional pattern, they call life; I feel defeated. And that is where the most relevant question comes to play, What are your hobbies?

When working 16 hours or any hours for that matter, in a field that mentally and emotionally drains you; you got to have a hobby. The idea that the most I can do to protect a child from being abused physically from his father, is to stay on the phone for two hours with the Department of Human Services Child Abuse hotline and just report it; well it depresses me. A scared 16 year old gang affiliated male, acts up and then breaks down because he does not want me to discharge him off the unit, and go back home because he rather be sent to a long-term mental health facility; how can he want to be in a psychiatric hospital over home? Those are questions that baffle me. Or how about the 17 year old female girl, who is 5’ 7” and weighs 85 pounds with severe cuts on her arms that I don’t understand how she held herself together, because when she walks alone I am afraid she is going to break. Or the boy who breaks his own glasses (and he is pretty close to blind) to just satisfy the overbearing desires to cut his arm. Or how about the 11 year-old girl, who locked herself in the bathroom who could not be consoled for hours, because of peer bullying. And this is only 4 out of the 10 severe kids on the unit today. I know that change is a process- a journey, but at times I just wish so hard it could be fixed fast. It aches me, to know that there are so many of our youth going through these heartbreaks. And my strength and desire then become my weakness because when I swipe my badge at the end of my shift to leave, I should leave work at work, I don’t always do that. And that’s where what use to be the feebleminded question, became the most important, crucial question of all. What are my hobbies?

In order to be strong and renewed everyday so that I can come back to work for another chance at changing peoples lives; I need a hobby.  Something outside of work that brightens me up. I need something that gets my mind of the aches of my heart and the pain of the world in order for me to keep my sanity. I have to stay healthy, in order to help those be healthy mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically. Life is hard, really hard. There are numerous of things that break my heart, both in and out of work, but I need to cleanse my spirit and mind. Although my feet feel Iike bricks underwater, I cannot just surrender in pain, I need to surrender to HIM. Hobbies, you ask? Well I pour myself into baking, reading, like to volunteer, love crafts and most importantly completely rely on God. God is not necessarily a hobby. But praying to Him, seeking Him, worshiping Him, learning more about Him, growing closer to Him are all things that I do and need to do, outside of work. It renews my strength, renews my patience, and renews my heart. Provides protection from slipping into a depressive state of mind that just loves to drill in my mind that I am not enough. It helps me realize that with HIM and through HIM, well I’ll always be enough. 

What are your hobbies?  A hobby is crucial. A hobby, even one that is so simple, can carry so much weight and change your entire mood. It can refresh your entire state of being.  

Happy New Years!

First and foremost, Happy New Year! Its been a couple months since I’ve blogged mainly cause I’ve been extraneously busy.  But I definitely will begin to write more frequently and give updates on the things God is doing in my life. Blogging has been a great way to keep in contact with a lot of dear friends who are now miles away and who I miss dearly. I will write an update soon, until then everyone enjoy your New Year’s Weekend. 

Quick October Recap

So I’ve been so busy. I am working two jobs- doing about 65 or so hours a week. Which means as soon as I get home and after showering, the minute my head hits the pillow I am knocked out. So its been awhile since my last post and I just wanted to update on everything that’s been going on in my life thus far.

•      Well beginning with the obvious. I got two jobs. I work at a residential facility with children with special needs. And I work at a Children’s Psychiatric Crisis Unit. All the kids are wonderful and need a lot of help and I love to be that person to help them. Though I like both jobs, I love my crisis unit job so much!
•      I realized that what I want to do deal with are teenaged children with suicidal and homicidal ideation. I have found this passion through the crisis unit since most the children who come there are EOD from hospitals and police stations after attempts. I love these kids. And I want to devote my life to helping them know that life is worth living!!
•      Weather  of October here in O- City well the weather is playing mind games with me. 50’s in the morning 80’s in the afternoons 60’s at night. Needless to say I am still getting use to it.
•       Deaths: Praying for the Fisher/Mobley family as they lost a wonderful sister/mom/daughter/wife to a battle with breast cancer. Loosing my step-mom to brain cancer I know how it feels but I know that the God of comfort provides the best support! I always read Amy’s blogs and well she was a fighter, and is one of thee strongest woman ever! True definition of trusting in the Lord and living to the fullest, regardless of situations. Another family I am praying for is the Trebbi family; who lost their 15-year beauty Samantha. She was admitted to the hospital for strep throat but died out of nowhere from Streptococcal Toxic- Shock Syndrome. She was a wonderful, beautiful inside and out girl who touched the life of many that she knew and through charities touch the lives of those she never met
•       Johnny & I went to Dallas, Texas- it’s a 3 hour drive from OKC. AND WE LOVED IT.Seriously, one of the best cities I've ever been too!
•  Basketball season started!! Favorite ever!
• October has pretty much just been a month of work, work and more work for me.

Oh and please pray for my dear friend Jenn's Fiancé whose going through excruciating back pain! May God heal him, so when November 13 he can be pain free and enjoy their wonderful day!

I am looking forward to November because: Johnny’s season starts. He has scrimmaged two games already but it gearing up for his first exhibition game vs. OSU Nov 1! And the best person everrrr is coming to visit me MY MOMMY!!!!!! I can’t wait for that, I miss her so much!

Well now that I am use to my schedule, hopefully ill be able to keep this more updated!! 

Surrendering All

Just had a wonderful one on one time with God. And I just had to share what my devotional was all about it. 

Why do we feel safer driving our car than flying when we know that we’re more likely to wreck our car than die on a plane? The answer is that we like to be in total control.

            We experience this tension every day. We desire control in circumstances because that makes us feel safe. But it’s deceptive. Are you really in control driving your car? What about the other people on the road? What about all the moving parts in the engine? Will the brakes work?

            The truth is that we have never been in complete control. Believing we are is an illusion we cling to every day. It’s easy to believe God and surrender all to Him when we feel as if we’re in control, when life is good, when things are going easy. But as soon as we feel as if we’ve lost control and our circumstances become too much to bear, surrendering and trusting Him gets more difficult. Too often in life God must bring us to a place where we literally have nowhere else to turn but to Him.

            Letting go means feeling unsafe, unprotected, and vulnerable. If you’re not willing to go there when things are good. God may have to take you there.

            He calls us to let go, To open our fists and relax. You’ll find that when you give your deepest desires and biggest concerns to God, He surprises you by making a way where none was apparent. Open your fists. Give up control. Surrender all.

Surrender to God! – James 4:7